As she told me her story she said something that touched my heart profoundly, "My problem is, I was born woman." There was such a sadness in her voice, I could tell she was speaking from the depth of her being. It was the cry of her heart, her frustration, her inner war of values; she wanted to be someone of significance who could simply hold a job on the basis of quality work given.

She was not the only one who had told me of such trials and tribulations. Every other woman had been told the same things and it was not unusual what I was hearing, it simply reflected the ongoing practices and was one of the many reasons AIDS had impacted Uganda and other parts of Africa as much as it had. (One woman told me that her husband had confessed to 50 affairs during the period of 12 months)

Africa and women; on the one hand they are the matriarchs of society, simply because they outlive men, on the other hand on their way to getting to be the matriarch, the journey is strewn with pain, tears, sweat, abuse, shame based communication and so much more.

It begins during the formative years as often the boys receive schooling and not the girls, since after all they are meant to work around the house, tend the gardens, wash, clean and wait on the men. Women and girls also make the local home-brew (a beer like substance) and often the local gin or other hard liquor like "Lira Lira" in the north of Uganda.

Most often girls do not receive any schooling beyond primary education though slowly that is changing as families have more money, or government legislation is helping as in Uganda, there it is only the first four children of a family and leaves out many children. Aid organizations a times help, but there are not enough of them to cover all the children of Africa.

When a girl reaches puberty she is often violated by a relative or a neighbor and the stories of incest abound reflecting one of the hidden sins of African life. This goes along with the fact that women are seen as sexual objects and though AIDS education has taken root in Uganda there is still the idea that women are simple objects of enjoyment. This is in a nation that has made much progress for Africa; a woman is the Vice-president of Uganda and she is a very outspoken woman who in 1997 told the parliament to practice personal hygiene and wash their socks, but that is an exception and not the norm. (Rwanda has a minister of "Promotion of Femininity and Family"

Many young girls in the country go through the rite of womanhood that consists of female circumcision. It is said that 35% of African women are still circumcised, while in countries like Somalia it is almost 100%. If you went to a young girl and tried to talk her out of it she would become angry since she would not understand. To her female circumcision is a rite of passage into womanhood, something she wanted to become in the same manner as her mother, her grandmothers, and friends. To her it was sacred, to someone like us, mutilation. An older woman who is the tribal circumcision person often carries out the actual act in a very crude manner.

A woman entering the job market faces some overwhelming challenges, some of which are faced by both men and women while others are unique to women. In Africa one just does not get a job as in the West by applying via a resume' and maybe demonstrating the skills one has. There one has to know someone that works in the business or organization they are applying with. One has to have a relative, a friend, a member of the same tribe or otherwise one does not even get into the door. I had a friend who graduated from Makerere University with a degree in Ecology and wound up as a dishwasher in a local casino because he was from the wrong tribe.

When Africans read about affirmative action programs for groups or gender they laugh. They cannot believe such things even exist, since discrimination based on gender or tribe is a daily occurrence in most of African society. This is in spite of President Yoweri Museveni of Uganda bringing together people of many tribes into his government. The reality is that one simply does not change overnight what has always existed.

If you do know someone in the business you are applying with, you still might have to come up with step two of your job search, something extra for the one who will be hiring you. A woman who has not earned a salary will have a hard time coming up with some money. Money is what is asked for most often, not just a one-time bribe, but a percentage of the ongoing salary. The third way is by having sex with the one who is hiring.

Women have to fight to get good jobs, often they might get a good position but the pay is not the same as for men. Some women own businesses but often they inherited them. Women do use some of their entrepreneurial skills and open up small shops where they stay from early morning until late at night selling their wares such as newspapers, cigarettes, food items and produce.

Some women venture into the arena of prostitution and sell themselves in order to keep their brothers and sisters in school, their family supplied with basic food, shelter and clothing. The result often is abuse, or even worst HIV positive and death.

I came to my office one morning and there standing amongst the typically dressed Ugandan ladies was a young woman in tight jeans, a halter top with midriff showing. I could see that all those around her were avoiding her. I asked her if she was being helped, and she informed me that she had brought her sister to the school that was part of the agency I worked with. She opened up freely and said that she did not want her sister to wind up like her, not reading nor writing and unable to hold a normal job. She brought her sister so that she would have the future that she had been unable to have.

One would think that marriage would solve all problems for a woman, but it certainly does not. Just a few years back the parliament in Kenya voted down a law that would have made it illegal to beat one's wife. Infidelity is very common for men and often results in the wife and children yet to be born being infected with HIV.

In spite of it all the African family would not exist without women carrying on the traditions of family and tribe. In most cases men die much sooner than women and the women become the matriarch of the family honored by all, being sought for advice and counsel. It takes a while but at the end of the day, the woman rules the roost, but what a rough journey to get there.

Irene was still crying, wishing she had not been born woman in a society that favored men, belittled women unless they outlived their husbands. She asked me, "What should I do? What can I do? How can I survive and keep my honor? She is not the only African woman asking such questions.